Mama's Eulogy

I wrote this for Mama's Mass but since I was not there it was not read. I want to share it nonetheless:
It’s hard to write a eulogy for someone who you know was mortal but who you never expected to die. Mama was the type of person that, as my friend in Trinidad said, “Only something like this could take that woman down.” She was healthy, strong, and though at times her memory was slipping (Don’t tell her that) she was all in all supposed to be around for a very long time. But as Mama would say, “You plan and God unplans.” She always reminded us to keep God in our lives and would tell us to “Say your prayers” and that “Tomorrow isn’t yours, so say, Tomorrow please God.”
Well she was right. We all learned that tomorrow may not be ours when Mama was taken away from us so suddenly. I never thought of Mama as old, but I suppose in terms of years she was. She had a way about her that was timeless, that defied time. She was old, she was middle-aged, she was a youth, she was a little girl. She was fun and funny, smart and outrageous, she could ****talk with the best of them and like she would say too, hold her own in almost any conversation because, “Common sense beat back book sense.”
Well I said on Mama’s Blog that she wasn’t my Mama only but rather Everyone’s Mama. Forget about the family for now, which we can take as a given for the recipient of her love and care, but let’s think about all her friends, many of whom are here now, friends who loved Mama as a member of their family, and who she cared about too. Some of these friends I have never even met, so far and wide was her circle. But I do know that they were always there for her; inviting her to church service, church lunches, brunches, birthday parties, bus rides, and so on, bringing her food, calling her and having long long long conversations on the telephone.
I would joke with her that getting through to her was like getting through to the President of the United States of America. The line was always busy. Mama’s warmth and vibrance was so contagious, she had so much charm that even while in the hospital it was reported that people from all over the hospital heard of her and came to see this woman who had survived so much. And indeed she was a survivor. She survived two World Wars in the 20th Century. She even survived Michael Jackson. It is no coincidence I feel that she passed the same year as he did. After all, they were both stars in their own right. And perhaps it shouldn’t surprise us either that Mama died in a stellar fashion, with as much mystery, controversy, and tragedy, as Princess Diana and Princess Grace of Monaco. Great people don’t depart the earth quietly. They leave it with a bang.
Perhaps the greatest lesson Mama left with us is not to be afraid of anything. Not to live a life ruled by fear, but to live and to live fully. She was independent, lived on her own terms, went everywhere she wanted to go. She was free. Perhaps too free. But Mama fought for that freedom. She worked hard until it was time to retire, she didn’t marry again after Jose Serapio Ramirez Senior (Sonny) passed, but instead dedicated herself to her children and grandchildren. She loved to take care of the people she loved.
That was when she was most happy; taking care of people. And I think it’s safe to say Mama took care of everybody, and that’s why she is so loved, and why she is missed, and why she will never be forgotten. Death is as natural a part of life as birth and now, without her, we may be sad here, but she enjoyed life, and would want those she cared about to be happy. So let’s celebrate her life and her passing. She is in a good place I know, with all her relatives who passed before her; her husband and sister and father and granddaughters and great grandson and many many others. She will be glad to see them too and we can all rest assured in the knowledge that one day we too will be with her again. One day we too will join her on another plane of existence, but until then, like Mama, we will enjoy life, as a way to honor her.

Notre Dame

I said a prayer for Mama at the Cathedrale Notre Dame de Paris. She would probably have found it curious that in this most famous of French churches an African priest was giving the sermon.
I think she would have liked it here. I had been thinking of taking her here on our next vacation together, but it was not to be. With hindsight I see it would have been a little hard for her to do the tourist thing, which is to walk around for hours looking at all the sites and crossing the bridges and so on and so on. The good thing about crossing over to another plane of existence is that you can be everywhere and anywhere at the same time. Non local I think is what physicists call this state.

Mama's Photo From Trincity Mall 1992

Sent by Claudette Ramirez
She didn't look a day older in 2009!

The Xmas Bunny!

This picture is from Melisa. Christmas was one of Mama's favorite holidays and you can see it here in her festive attire.

I used to keep a diary and would like to share some parts

I wrote this a few years ago. Maybe 4 or 5 or 6 years ago. I am going to post the parts of my diary that deal with Mama; my best friend. It is an homage to her, and to all the people that loved her and that she loved, like Melisa, for whom Mama was even more than a best friend.

Diary Entry
I dreamt about my grandmother as a young woman and she was beautiful. Even as an old woman there is something of the girl in her, of the coquette. Sometimes she is sweetly shy. Always she is wise.

Mama
My grandmother grew up without a mother. Ida Maria Craig was her mother’s name. Ida Maria was of Irish parentage but had grown up in an orphanage. Ida Maria had died when my grandmother was about two years old. She died five weeks after giving birth to her last child, a boy. My grandmother and her two sisters and brother grew up with an aunt while her father remarried and had another family. First three girls and a boy and then four boys and a girl. They grew up on Pembroke Street in the capital of Port of Spain near my old highschool St. Joseph’s Convent.
My grandmother had servants to wash and clean. A van delivered bread from the jail where her uncle worked. She was about ten years old when her aunt died and they went to live with their father and stepmother in the south of Trinidad. As a young adult she moved back to the capital and worked in a department store called Fogartys until she married my grandfather.
She met Jose Serapio Ramirez at an “ole year’s night” , that is, a new year’s eve party. Leonora (Ned) was her older sister. Jose liked Ned first. Ned was slim, pale like her Irish mother, with gray green eyes and straight light brown hair. Later, he liked my grandmother and at Ned’s engagement party it was discovered that Ned’s fiance and Jose were cousins, and they didn’t know until they met at the engagement.
My grandmother married Jose and had three girls and two boys. She stayed home with the children and raised them while he worked offshore for an oil company, Shell.

Memorial Service For Mama Info. Thank God for Claudy!

This is the arrangement for the Mass for Mama in New York for now.

DATE: 17/10/09

TIME: 9 AM

CHURCH: OUR LADY OF REFUGE (CATHOLIC)

ADDRESS: 2020 FOSTER AVE, CORNER OF FOSTER AND OCEAN AVE



If arrangements goes as planned in Florida I will confirm or let you know if there are changes.

How could no one in the family know when the service for Mama will be?

Or where? Good thing she is not in her grave as yet so she won't turn in it. What I've seen happening in the family after the accident and after her passing would certainly not have made her happy. She was a peace loving person, and didn't like people to argue or fight. Well, for her sake, and to honor her memory, I think the family should put aside any silly grudges from the past, stop judging other people and instead look at themselves, and start sharing information in a constructive way so that everyone can relax and use their energy to grieve and remember Mama with love.

Contributed by Claudette Ramirez 10/1/09 by Email

Correction Marsha it is granddaughters. Treshia.

Actually at about minutes to 2p I was in the Prayer Room in front of the blessed Sacrament ob Roseolino Street in Woodbrook and I said the Rosary which was the Glorious mysteries the fourth Glorious mystery was the Assumption which is for a HAPPY DEATH and I offered it for Mama.

I left about ten to 2p and she was on my mind constantly because Jose had spoken to me twice before and I felt really sad on my way home.
Since the incident she has always been on my mind.

I will miss calling her any time night or day sometimes at night when I cannot sleep I will call her and after talking for a while, when I say look at the time let me go in my bed, she will say you call me wake me up and take the sleep from my eye and now you talking about going in your bed.
The last time I spoke to her was for my birthday 25/7/09 I called her about minutes to one I just came home from liming, during the conversation I told her my bill is running up, she said girl forget the bill and keeping talking. You know how she loved to talk.
I texted her in Florida saying YOU IN FLORIDA GIRLFRIEND.

I looked forward to her coming to Trinidad for vacation all the Tobago vacation with her I really enjoyed.

I will miss her so much.

Treasure your mother no matter what, all mothers have fault as a matter of fact everyone have faults.
I guess that what LOVE is about LOVING SOMEONE TO THEIR FAULTS.

I LOVE YOU MAMA.

ETERNAL REST GRANT ON TO HER O LORD AND LET THE PETUAL LIGHT SHINE UPON HER MAY SHE REST IN PEACE
AMEN.

A Celebration of Life

Mama passed away yesterday, Wednesday September 30, 2009, at 2.20 pm. At that time I was running to catch a connection back to NYC to get to work in time for an event I was organizing at the museum. Mama was not at the forefront of my mind but as always was somewhere at the back of my consciousness. I do feel that at times of intense human experiences, those close to the ones who are experiencing these things get some sense of it. Around the time of her passing I was nauseous and wondering why. My head hurt and I felt dizzy. I remember leaning my head over till it touched the back of the seat in front of me. The steward on the first flight had said I wouldn't make my connection but he was wrong. Never listen to anyone who says you can't do something. That is one of the lessons I learned from Mama.

Now she is no longer on the same physical plane of existence with us, doesn't mean we no longer have her. Like I said to my sister Josie yesterday, "She's a part of us now so will never be forgotten".

She will sorely and surely be missed by all whose lives she's touched, and her touch went far and wide. When I think of her as "My Mama" I know I am wrong because she was equally Josie's Mama, Melisa's Mama, Hailey's Mama, Mervyn's Mama, Sandra's Mama, Jose's Mama, and the Mama of everyone else who loved her and who she loved.

Let's all celebrate her life. She is in a good place; of that I am sure. If we are grieving it's ok. We are grieving for ourselves, because she is at peace and I'm sure content to be with the others who passed on before her; her husband, sister, father, granddaughter, great grand son etc. One day we will all join them too, but until then, let's celebrate life as she did, everyday sharing good and spreading love and caring around as she did.

Norma, we love you!

The Prayers Seem To Be Taking An Awful Long Time

I know everyone is praying for Mama and I do believe this has some curative effect but in addition to strong positive intentions I think we need to take strong actions too. I'm not sure what the doctors are doing with her right now but perhaps we can try several methods of healing; not only the conventional ones. If anyone knows a healer who can work with Mama please let me know. I do believe there are individuals who can transmit healing energy and I don't see why we can't try someone like this, in addition to traditional medicine and prayer.
e.g. Here is a guy in the UK who has worked for many years with people www.frankperry.co.uk
Suggestions welcome...

Something to talk to the doctors about?

Well the doctors say Mama's heart is not strong enough to handle dialysis. I'm not sure if this is Doctor-Speak for something else, but perhaps someone who actually speaks to the doctors should mention this article from Yahoo News. Obviously Mama is responding and here they talk about learning abilities correlating to recovery rates over 6 months to a year periods...

People in Vegetative State Can Learn
LiveScience.com

Rachael Rettner
LiveScience Staff
LiveScience.com rachael Rettner
livescience Staff
livescience.com – Wed Sep 23, 10:26 am ET

Patients in vegetative or minimally conscious states may not be able to speak for themselves or report that they are aware of their surroundings, but some can learn, according to a new study.

The results suggest that certain learning tests may help doctors to diagnosis patients with these conditions and may indicate how much the patients are likely to recover.

The study was the first to test learning in patients with certain disorders of consciousness. In this case, patients were either in a vegetative state, a condition in which people are awake but apparently not aware and do not have voluntary responses, or a minimally conscious state, in which patients start to show voluntary behavior and occasionally respond to commands.

The researchers tested a type of learning known as classical, or Pavlovian, conditioning, which is thought to require consciousness, in 22 patients. They looked at whether or not the patients could learn to associate a beeping sound with a puff of air blown into the eye, which causes blinking. The researchers played the sound, and then half a second later, administered the air puff and monitored the muscle activity around the eye. If a person is learning, he or she will blink upon hearing the sound, before the air puff is given, exhibiting an anticipation of the annoying sensation about to occur.

Some of the patients did indeed show learning. Three patients performed almost as well as a control group of normal subjects that also underwent the test, said Tristan Bekinschtein, the lead author and researcher from the University of Cambridge's Wolfson Brain Imaging Unit in the U.K. Another seven patients showed some signs of learning, and the other 12 patients showed almost no learning, he said.

In contrast, a second control group of anesthetized patients that showed no signs of consciousness did not learn, which was expected.

Interestingly, the researchers did not find any difference in learning between those in a vegetative state and those in a minimally conscious state. "What [this] tells us is that there might be a fair amount of misdiagnosis, or that some of the vegetative subjects were in fact minimally conscious," Bekinschtein told LiveScience.

They also found that the amount of learning was a good predictor of how much the patients were able to recover, or improve in their condition.

"[In] most of the patients that showed learning, six months or a year later, they showed some degree of recovery; and all of the patients that showed no learning showed no change - they did not get better, some of them they got worse," Bekinschtein said.

However, the patient's learning may not be fully related to their consciousness, said Bekinschtein, who also pointed out that their assessment did not directly test consciousness.

"It could be that they are not conscious exactly at the time we tested, but our results suggest that at least the network that supports conscious processing was in some way functioning," he said. It is possible that these networks are very close to working at the time of the test, and they get better when the patient recovers consciousness, he added.

The study was a collaboration between researchers at the University of Buenos Aires, the University of Cambridge and the Institute of Cognitive Neurology in Argentina. The results were published in the Sept. 20 online edition of the journal Nature Neuroscience.

The Grandmother Everyone Should Have

If she heard me calling her "grandmother" she would upbraid me right away. Everyone knows her as "Mama" so I'll refer to her as that here. Every time I get an update on Mama's recovery I'll post it here.
Today was another round of highs and lows, but we're not giving up!
Apparently a number of Mama's children made the decision to give her dialysis. Hoorah! When this procedure will be done, or what curative effects this will have on her, I'm not sure. But the fact that a decision was made, and something is being done, is reason to cheer. It shows, after all, that there is hope.
Mama said a couple weeks before the accident when she had a doctor's check up that the doctor said: "If all my patients were as healthy as you I'd be out of business." Well let's visualize Mama as her strong and healthy self. God knows she is strong and healthy and it's her strength that has kept her alive all these weeks, kept us together as a family, and helped the women, like me, to be strong too.
We have to give her a reason to fight more, so let's keep praying and sending her all our warm and loving thoughts.
The last picture was taken the last day I saw her, in Brooklyn in July. The others are from Trinidad and Tobago in February. People may say Mama is old, but I never thought of her as that. For me she is feisty and independent and the epitome of what every older woman should be. She's always been a loving and giving person, so now it's our turn to give back to her.
I encourage people to post comments on this blog. Or ask questions. Anything Mama related is welcome. And only positive and constructive comments please. Anything else will be removed.
Best wishes to all; and as Sonny might say: Salud, Dinero y Amor!
Nicollette